Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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