Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
