Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
