I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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