Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
