I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
