Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
