i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
my poor anus
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
