Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
