man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
