Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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