I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Oh god it's open bar.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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