After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
