Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
