Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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