Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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