Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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