Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
