he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
