I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
