He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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