hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
