SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
