That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
