I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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