Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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