dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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