Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
