I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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