i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
This is my gift to your gina
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
