I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
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