i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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