Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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