why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
she looked like the before picture.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
