...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
