I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I will be naked everywhere
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
