Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My breasts were aching with rage.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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