my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
