I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
