I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
