Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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