Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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