There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
