ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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