Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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