I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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