I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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