Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
