My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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