don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
