She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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